THE BOOK OF HARRIER BRAYER
Articles of the Pontifical Harrier Parish
I. Of the Harrier Trinity
There is but one Way to be, without faith, belief, or thought; being the Way of Harry. And in unity of this Way there be three Beacons which illumine the Way: Desire, Certainty, and Blame.
II. Of Harry, the first man to not think about anything at all
Harry, who was the first born after the Bomb and the first babe of the Boom, evolved into being near the end of the World: so that he entered the World as the dawning sun of its last age, and stands to Harriers as a Symbol and a Man; being as a Symbol the Eye that sees the Way, the Voice that articulates it. the Ear that hears the needs of the People, and the Hand that joins the Way to those needs; being as a Man the living embodiment of the Way and the shining example of how to make full, perfect, and effective use of the Trinity.
III. Of the imprisonment of Harry in a cell block
As Harry was arrested, tried, convicted, and sentenced, so also is it reported that he was sent to prison in chains and locked in a maximum-security cell block.
IV. Of the escape of Harry
Harry did truly escape from prison, and reclaimed his whole fortune, with stocks, bonds, cash, jewelry, and other valuables; with which he took flight for Rio one week later, and landed safely, and is there still, in a place called El Dorado.
V. Of the Silver Ghosts
The Silver Ghosts, being delivered upon Harry’s order and accompanying cashier’s check for the whole amount due, are a true and fabulous gift from Harry to his Followers, who became Ultra- Harriers by the act of accepting the Silver Ghosts, which they did then parlay into great personal fortunes of their own.
VI. Of the sufficiency of the Harrier Texts for attainment of El Dorado
The Harrier Texts contain all things necessary for attainment of El Dorado; so that anything which is not in them, nor to be inferred from them, is not relevant to the Way and need not be heeded. By the term Harrier Texts is meant the approved texts of the Past and Present Testaments, as referenced below:
Of the Names and Number of the Approved Harrier Texts
The First Book of Apes, The Second Book of Apes, The Third Book of Apes, The Fourth Book of Apes, The Fifth Book of Apes, The Book of Gypsies, The Book of Mesopotamians, The First Book of Greeks, The Second Book of Greeks, The First Book of Barbarians, The Second Book of Barbarians, The Book of Bubonites, The Book of Giants, The Book of Explorers, The Book of El Dorado, The Book of Glory, The Book of the White Man's Burden, The Book of Götterdämmerung, The Book of Manifest Destiny, The Book of Bloody Noses, The Book of the Motherland, The Book of the Great Wall, The Book of the Divine Wind, The Book of Others, The Book of Psongs, The Book of Psayings, The Book of Pnotes, The Book of Psomethings, The Book of Pspeciastes, Six VIPs the Greater, Four VIPs the less
All the Books of the Present Testament, as they are commonly reproduced, we do accept as Approved.
VII. Of the Past Testament
The Past Testament is not contrary to the Present: for in both the Past and the Present there is evidence of the accidental nature of life, the awareness of doom as an inalterable by-product of human behavior, and of the iterative nature of human history, such that the only real change to be observed is in science and technology, whereas human nature remains as primitive and self-destructive as it always was. Such commonalities serve to reinforce the rightness of Harry’s Way, particularly as it relates to residents of the Most Chosen Nation on Earth.
VIII. Of the Creeds
The Ultra-Harriers’ Creed, and that which is commonly called the Harriers’ Creed, ought to be accepted by all Harriers: for they may both be proved by the facts presented in the Harrier Texts.
IX. Of the Great Big Joke
The Great Big Joke stands as a symbol of the absurdity of the human condition, which places humanity between the “Big Bang” that created the universe and a second Big Bang, synonymous with terrestrial nuclear holocaust, which is the certain outcome of all human endeavors since the species evolved into its final form. The implications of the Great Big Joke had been understood in a general sense long before the coming of Harry, but obsolete habits of thought precluded formulation of an appropriate human response when the Great Big Joke ceased to be an abstraction, and became a specific, imminent fact in real terms.
X. Of Good and Evil
Traditional philosophies of good and evil are inevitably founded upon an assumption of free will, which has been effectively disproven by scientists in such separate disciplines as biology and psychology; and although it has not yet been decided whether the determinism that characterizes human behavioral responses has its source in the underlying psychology of the species or in the environmental and/or genetic templates that define individual members of the species, it hardly matters. Regardless of which cause is ultimately proven to be responsible for human behavior, free will is an a priori casualty of the debate. And without free will, good and evil must be regarded as arbitrary and entirely subjective descriptions of outcomes rather than primal forces imposing some condition of choice upon individual human beings.
XI. Of Sin and Guilt
The existence of sin and guilt relies completely upon the preexistence of good and evil. In the absence of good and evil, the archaic concepts of sin and guilt are revealed as mere irrational impediments to natural human response, i.e., to the excitations and propensities arising from the senses.
XII. Of Thought
The assignment of value to thought represents a longstanding historical anomaly rooted in erroneous conclusions about the human condition: to wit, when it was believed that humanity could so improve its condition as to avoid eventual doom (in whatever form doom was contemporarily conceived), then thought was held to have value in relation to the contribution it could make toward the desired improvement. However, as doom ceased to be a religious concept and became, by degrees, a scientifically demonstrable inevitability, thought is likewise demonstrated to have no value. In other terms, if the value of thought lies in its capacity to improve the species, its value can actually be computed as zero when the improvement in the species’ prospects is zero. And given that the likelihood of doom has increased rather than decreased during the course of recorded history, it is mathematically feasible to suggest that the true value of thought may indeed be computed at less than zero. Hence, the Pontifical Harrier Parish deems thought a negative process, the more so because it makes people feel so bad about everything.
XIII. Of the Parish
The Pontifical Harrier Parish is the visible living body of the Way of Harry, and only within this parish is the Good Word of Harry repeated and practiced in undiluted form, without compromise or purposeless euphemisms.
XIV. Of the Authority of the Parish
The Pontifical Harrier Parish has the power to define Rites and Ceremonies and to offer Consolation to its members; however, it is not within the authority of the Parish to oppose the desires of Harry himself, or his whims.
XV. Of the Rituals
Rituals prescribed by Harry are not only badges or tokens of the Way of Harry, but also overt reminders of the Way that achieve their effect without requiring Harriers to engage in thought, thus promoting and facilitating their use of the Way in a manner congruent with Harry’s own teachings. There are two rituals prescribed by Harry in the Good Word, that is to say, Harrification and Consolation. Those three commonly practiced as rituals, that is to say, Adultification, Matrimony, and Burial of the Dead, are not to be counted as having the same weight and import, being conceived for the purpose of giving Harriers an acceptable alternative to similar rituals offered by the organized religions.
XVI. Of Harrification
The Washing of Hands, otherwise known as Harrification, is an ancient custom practiced by men of discernment throughout history, being a token of the deliberate decision to have no further involvement with pointless conflicts and ordeals. In the Pontifical Harrier Parish, the Washing of Hands retains this general historical symbolism, and adds to it the specific connotation of a “clean slate” (or new birth, if you will) for those who wish to break from habits of the past, including such habits as thought, work, and responsibility, as well as preoccupation with good and evil, and the emotional experience of guilt and sin.
XVII. Of Consolation
The Boomer Banquet, otherwise known as Consolation, is both a symbolic and a real act that binds Harriers to the Way of Harry. In its symbolic steps, it re-creates the path of Mankind from self- awareness to a more desirable state of “unawareness,” which reflects and embodies the teachings of the Way. In real terms, it provides a vivid approximation of the actual state of unawareness which all true Harriers desire to achieve, in which thought is rendered impotent against the natural responses of the senses.
XVIII. Of the Traditions of the Parish
It is not necessary that all Traditions and Ceremonies be in all places one, or utterly like; for this would require a degree of coordination, concentration, and discipline completely eschewed by the Way of Harry. For reasons of simple pragmatism, such Traditions and Ceremonies are also subject to such changes as may be required, from time to time, in order to continue meeting the needs of Parishioners; however, arbitrary changes, such as those which may be suggested by thoughtful review, ought to be rebuked openly, and the sponsoring Parishioners exconsolated.
XIX. Of exconsolate Persons, how they are to be treated
That person which by open denunciation of the Parish is cut off from the Parish, and exconsolated, ought to be regarded by all Parishioners in good standing as “Anti-Harriers,” and as such, targeted for blame and vengeance at every possible opportunity. Should an “Anti-Harrier” recant his denunciation, and express a willingness to resume life in strict accordance with the Way of Harry, he may be accepted again into the Parish, or not, depending upon the whims and desires of Number One and the entire Body of the Parish.
XX. Of the Selection of Chosen Ones and Arch-Harriers
Selection of Chosen Ones shall be the exclusive right of Arch-Harriers, albeit a right exercised in accordance with the obligation of Arch-Harriers to act, at all times, for the enhancement of Harry’s fame and fortune. By the same token, the selection of Arch-Harriers shall be the exclusive right of the Vice-President for Harrier Services, albeit a right slightly constrained by the authority of Number One to review and criticize the performance of Parish Vice-Presidents at regular intervals.
XXI. Of the Selection of Number One
Selection of Number One shall be the exclusive right of Harry, whose authority in this and all other matters of Parish administration is absolute and not subject to review, criticism, or change by anyone but himself.
XXII. Of the Greater Harrier Parish
The Pontifical Harrier Parish recognizes but exercises no authority over the Greater Harrier Parish, which is presided over by Harry himself, and proselytized by the Ultra-Harriers, who are themselves nominated and commanded in accordance with the will of Harry.
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