ULTRA-HARRIER MORT’S BROADCAST · TO THE
ANNENBURGHERS
The Harrier Television Network‘A Mad Mad Mad Mad War’
Chapter 2
“Nobody’s thinking about it,
2“But it’s coming anyway,
3“And it’ll be here before you know it!
4“What is it?
5“It’s the great new fall season on the Harrier Television Network!
6“You say you like sitcoms?
7“Well, we’ve got ’em,
8c“And they’re just exactly like all the others you’ve always loved,
9“Only more so.
10“Take ‘I Love the Family Next Door,’
11d“Please!
12“The Sleasel family are the neighbors everybody loves to hate,
13“Which is why you’ll just love them to death.
14“Flush!
15“Why that must be Arnie Sleasel, the long-suffering edad who’s always so painfully constipated that everyone just runs for cover when they hear him flush the toilet,
16“Which happens a lot on ‘I Love the Family Next Door.’
17“Flush!
18“Why that must be Arnie’s wife May, who suffers from chronic diarrhea, and keeps everybody in stitches with endless jokes about Arnie’s intestines, not to mention his impotence and his rotten wages as a muffler mechanic.
19“Flush!
20“Why that must be little Billy, the Sleasels’ fprecocious son, who’s only twelve but spends a lot of time in the bathroom with Arnie’s ‘Playboy,’ and who gets off some really good ones about his parents’ intestines, and Arnie’s impotence, and May’s flat chest, not to mention his sister Barbara’s chest, which is anything but flat, even though she’s only fourteen.
21“Flush!
22g“Why that must be Barbara now. She’s constantly in the bathroom because of her medication, which she’s needed ever since she came home from Times Square,
23“Which is one of many reasons why the Sleasels’ neighbors never say a word to them,
24“Not even when their house catches on fire,
25“On Christmas Eve,
26a“Because the Sleasels are the neighbors everybody loves to hate,
27“Like you will too,
28“When you join us,
29b“And start plumbing the depths,
30“Of the family next door,
31“Wednesday nights at eight.
32“Flush!
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Chapter 2 / 21